Life with a teenager is always exciting, I would know because I actually have 2.9 teenagers. A 16 year old, 13 year old and a 12 year old (hence the .9).
A few months go I was pretty sure that I was the worst mother in the world, or at least that's what my kids were telling me. I would bounce my ideas off of other adults and they seemed to think that I was rational and that my 16 year old was the irrational one, but the reaction I got from him after speaking my rational thoughts was completely out of left field and I had never seen him react like that so I was pretty sure it was me...until recently.
Mr. B is convinced that his life is terrible. I want to laugh at him when he says that but my answer is always, "Yes, you go to a fancy private school, you have a phone and a computer, you eat all you want whenever you want. You poor, poor thing." He then goes on to say, "I never get to see my friends, I'm always studying or at school. If you wouldn't have put me at CBHS, I would have so much more time to hang out with people." I answer back with, "Well I would venture to guess if you spent less time on Facebook and your phone that you would half the amount of time it takes for homework. You are the master of your time, if you want time you make time." "Whatever mom, you don't know what you are talking about."
I have a faint recollection of my teenage years and although I didn't have Facebook or a cell phone, there were plenty of other things that kept me from what I really wanted to do. Heck, once I started driving I started working. Mr. B has these visions of grandeur about what car he is going to buy or the new phone that he needs yet he doesn't work and I haven't pressed the issue because he is so busy with school and scouts and XC. I've told him that if wants to drop out of scouts or XC that was totally fine, but I think he would find that he would be spending much less time with friends if he did that because then he would need to start working.
I agree that it bites that he's up doing homework until 10pm most nights, but if he went to my neighborhood school he might not be learning anything at all. He's started complaining about church but I don't think he's realized that he does more hanging out with friends on Sunday than he does anything else. He's already started talking about getting a Letterman's Jacket yet he wants to drop out of XC. He wants to be a Boy Scout Camp counselor this summer but he's thinking of dropping scouts as well.
Thinking things through can be difficult for most of us because we only see where we are at now and not what the struggles will do for us in the future, but it's especially hard for teenagers because teenagers are me and now centered.
This weekend he spent some time with some less privileged kids so maybe his perspective has changed. Who knows what goes on in the head of a 16 year old, I certainly don't.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
Trying Mom's Patience
The fact is, if it's not attached to Mr. B he either loses it or can't find it. Often I send him back to look and most of the time he finds it the second time but this week he lost his brand new shoes and although I'm not surprised, the $40 I spent on them has now been wasted and I'm not to happy about that.
He wore then exactly 10 days and on Wednesday they disappeared. I don't remember them coming home that afternoon after Cross Country, he swears he did but when you live in 900 sq ft there's not many places a pair of shoes can be hiding.
This morning he came out of the bathroom is wrinkled pants. When asked why, he said that he had lost a pair so he was having to wear dirty ones. Lucky for him I had had a cup of coffee, so I said to check his closet because when he was in there earlier the light was off so maybe turning the light on would help. Luckily my Spidey sense was right this morning and he left wearing wrinkle free pants.
Already this year he lost his Math book, which again God was on his side and his teacher found it and returned it to him two days later. He lost his glasses at his dads house, luckily his brother knew where they were but a month later, after I bought him a new pair he finally found them.
Losing things has always been a problem for him and most of the time I lose my patience with him and get angry but over the past two weeks I've been trying my best to let him deal with the consequences. Thursday morning I was willing to let him go shoeless at school, but again he got lucky when he realized that he had another pair of dress shoes in his closet.
He went without glasses the first several days of school. No Math book or note taking spirals for two days in a couple classes, he managed to survive but I told him if they weren't found the replacement cost would be paid by him.
I've started trying to live by Mr. B's chemistry teachers motto, "Poor planning on your part does no constitute an emergency on mine." Yes, I could whip out some bible verses or give you the whole "Patience is a virtue" talk, but simply put teenagers need much more grace than we are willing to give.
We often get upset with teens because "we know better" and maybe we do but they are pretty sure that we don't so trying to convince them is pretty useless. Yes, we've been there. Yes, we've all made the same mistakes but they need to make them as well, otherwise they will have missed an opportunity to grow and learn.
I tried to stay out of Mr B's school life until I realized that he was falling behind in several of his classes. I know that he was trying to work it out but letting him struggle so early in the school year wasn't a good idea. I got his Guidance Counselor involved and then took a step back and let her handle it. When I realized that he was failing three of his classes, I did the same thing and really because I saw the frustration that he was having at night and because of it the peace in the house was being disturbed.
We can teach our kids to make good choices but they are the ones that have to make the choice so often letting them make the wrong one is the best policy. We all learn quickly in our adult lives that every choice whether good or bad leads to some sort of consequence. Fortunately/Unfortunately for Mr. B, he's learning that at an early age.
He wore then exactly 10 days and on Wednesday they disappeared. I don't remember them coming home that afternoon after Cross Country, he swears he did but when you live in 900 sq ft there's not many places a pair of shoes can be hiding.
This morning he came out of the bathroom is wrinkled pants. When asked why, he said that he had lost a pair so he was having to wear dirty ones. Lucky for him I had had a cup of coffee, so I said to check his closet because when he was in there earlier the light was off so maybe turning the light on would help. Luckily my Spidey sense was right this morning and he left wearing wrinkle free pants.
Already this year he lost his Math book, which again God was on his side and his teacher found it and returned it to him two days later. He lost his glasses at his dads house, luckily his brother knew where they were but a month later, after I bought him a new pair he finally found them.
Losing things has always been a problem for him and most of the time I lose my patience with him and get angry but over the past two weeks I've been trying my best to let him deal with the consequences. Thursday morning I was willing to let him go shoeless at school, but again he got lucky when he realized that he had another pair of dress shoes in his closet.
He went without glasses the first several days of school. No Math book or note taking spirals for two days in a couple classes, he managed to survive but I told him if they weren't found the replacement cost would be paid by him.
I've started trying to live by Mr. B's chemistry teachers motto, "Poor planning on your part does no constitute an emergency on mine." Yes, I could whip out some bible verses or give you the whole "Patience is a virtue" talk, but simply put teenagers need much more grace than we are willing to give.
We often get upset with teens because "we know better" and maybe we do but they are pretty sure that we don't so trying to convince them is pretty useless. Yes, we've been there. Yes, we've all made the same mistakes but they need to make them as well, otherwise they will have missed an opportunity to grow and learn.
I tried to stay out of Mr B's school life until I realized that he was falling behind in several of his classes. I know that he was trying to work it out but letting him struggle so early in the school year wasn't a good idea. I got his Guidance Counselor involved and then took a step back and let her handle it. When I realized that he was failing three of his classes, I did the same thing and really because I saw the frustration that he was having at night and because of it the peace in the house was being disturbed.
We can teach our kids to make good choices but they are the ones that have to make the choice so often letting them make the wrong one is the best policy. We all learn quickly in our adult lives that every choice whether good or bad leads to some sort of consequence. Fortunately/Unfortunately for Mr. B, he's learning that at an early age.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
No that's not an innuendo!
I remember my days as a Private School kid and the one thing that I remember the most was our vocabulary words. It was in high school that I was introduced to the word juxtaposition and although I still am not sure what it means, I wasn't surprised when one of Mr B's vocab words was expostulate. Yes, I had to look that word up and I knew that I was in for it when in the definition the word dissuade was used.
Mr. B who reads on a college level got it right away however he couldn't quite get intercede or innuendo. I know those two words, they are words in my vocabulary that I use all the time but never have I used the word expostulate. I was pretty proud of myself for even knowing how to spell it but what I thought it meant and the definition that was in his book were different, although after looking it up I decided that my definition made more sense and certainly didn't use the other high vocab word dissuade.
Obviously I've never really heard this word because I don't hang around lawyers but my son, "The English Major" figured this word out before the other much more common words.
My son prays before every class, maybe I need to start praying before homework each night!
Mr. B who reads on a college level got it right away however he couldn't quite get intercede or innuendo. I know those two words, they are words in my vocabulary that I use all the time but never have I used the word expostulate. I was pretty proud of myself for even knowing how to spell it but what I thought it meant and the definition that was in his book were different, although after looking it up I decided that my definition made more sense and certainly didn't use the other high vocab word dissuade.
ex·pos·tu·late (k-sp
s
ch
-l
t
)
intr.v. ex·pos·tu·lat·ed, ex·pos·tu·lat·ing, ex·pos·tu·latesTo reason earnestly with someone in an effort to dissuade or correct; remonstrate. See Synonyms at object.
in·nu·en·do (-
n
)
n. pl. in·nu·en·does1. An indirect or subtle, usually derogatory implication in expression; an insinuation.2. Lawa. A plaintiff's interpretation in a libel suit of allegedly libelous or slanderous material.b. A parenthetic explanation of a word or charge in a legal document.
"Innuendo is a phrase that's not really nice about someone or something and intercede is something that you do on someone's behalf." "Ah no mom, you don't know what you are talking about. My reading level is higher than yours." "Well maybe but my vocabulary is apparently better than yours because someone intercedes for someone else, an inanimate object can't intercede!"in·ter·cede (d
intr.v. in·ter·ced·ed, in·ter·ced·ing, in·ter·cedes1. To plead on another's behalf.2. To act as mediator in a dispute.
My son prays before every class, maybe I need to start praying before homework each night!
Friday, August 24, 2012
My two cents...
A commenter on my last post said that they were glad to see some schools pushing kids to succeed because most city/county schools don't. My purpose for this blog isn't to blame the system even though I have plenty of reasons to but unfortunately schools are institutions and when you run an institution it's run exactly the same way, every day. No matter who comes in or goes out, it's exactly the same.
Now that's not to say there are not great teachers in the MCS or SCS schools systems. I have several friends who teach in those systems and I know that they are inspiring their kids to be all that they can be, but unfortunately institutionalized learning keeps most kids from achieving their potential because they learn differently than others do.
Mr. B is definitely one of those kids that thinks outside of the box. He's certainly not your average student. He's had some really great teachers along the way, but most had their hands tied by the education system. There was a lot of labeling when he was a kid and for a while I got sucked into it because it was a way to place blame. "He was born this way, he'll never grow out of it. It's just the way it is. Maybe he would excel at a trade school because he probably won't be able to attend college." The other explanation was that he was lazy and had ADHD and although I have seen both of those attributes I doubt their validity.
He's a boy who is terribly and completely unorganized. Due to his lack of organization he loses EVERYTHING, but I think that due to the labeling he received as a youngster, no one took the time to help him get organized. They just accepted the fact that he was unorganized and would always be late turning in homework and unfortunately that was at a great disservice to him.
The problem with the school that he attended last year is that they have the highest drop out rate in the city. The Freshman class starts with close to 400 kids and by the time the get to their Senior year around half are left and even less than that actually graduates. Teachers in failing schools try the best they can but it seems that they feel like there is not much they can do to help the situation so they do nothing. Mr. B had a Algebra Tutorial class last year and all they did in that class was surf the web, however as not to draw suspicion no one received an A for a grade even though no work or tests were ever done or assigned. When I brought this issue up with the Assistant Principal she said she would look into it, but nothing ever changed. Mr. B left that class with a B and even though the class was supposed to be for kids that struggled with math, he left no better than he began.
Even in well performing schools there are not so good teachers, but generally if your Principal, President or Dean have high expectations it trickles down to the teachers and staff. My ex-husband is on staff at one of the city's premier private schools. He became friends with the man that is in charge of the janitorial staff, even he was proud of his school and the part he played. Frankly if the man that cleans the toilet is glad to be there, then there is an atmosphere of pride and accomplishment that trickles down to the kids and when that kind of atmosphere exists kids excel.
When you think of people that are institutionalized you think of people in prison. I wouldn't doubt that most kids think they are in prison when they are at school. That's why I was so excited to hear that Mr. B's history teacher didn't teach out of the book, because we all know that he is right. History books are written to give us the picture of history that the government wants us to know, not actually what happened. In fact on B's first day in his class the teacher made them take the Naturalization Exam, which if you know anyone who has taken it is very in depth and most American's that take the test fail because they only know what is in the books they had in High School.
Books leave out major pieces of information because they want you to think a certain way. I didn't know until I was an adult that Thomas Jefferson who wrote in the Declaration of Independence, "that all men are created equal" didn't mean black people, in fact he and most of the signers of the document were slave owners. In Mr. B's history class they were talking about Pocahontas and how she was actually very young, like middle school age when the dashing 40something John Smith marries her. Sorry Mr. Disney, you didn't include that fact in your movie.
Unfortunately we've been stuck in this idea that institutionalized learning is the right way to do things and I think that with the rapid increase of ADHD diagnosis, we need to realize that there is a better way.
Really if I had my way I would have all of my kids at home with me and I would be teaching them. It worked for the Founding Fathers, I don't see why it couldn't work now.
Now that's not to say there are not great teachers in the MCS or SCS schools systems. I have several friends who teach in those systems and I know that they are inspiring their kids to be all that they can be, but unfortunately institutionalized learning keeps most kids from achieving their potential because they learn differently than others do.
Mr. B is definitely one of those kids that thinks outside of the box. He's certainly not your average student. He's had some really great teachers along the way, but most had their hands tied by the education system. There was a lot of labeling when he was a kid and for a while I got sucked into it because it was a way to place blame. "He was born this way, he'll never grow out of it. It's just the way it is. Maybe he would excel at a trade school because he probably won't be able to attend college." The other explanation was that he was lazy and had ADHD and although I have seen both of those attributes I doubt their validity.
He's a boy who is terribly and completely unorganized. Due to his lack of organization he loses EVERYTHING, but I think that due to the labeling he received as a youngster, no one took the time to help him get organized. They just accepted the fact that he was unorganized and would always be late turning in homework and unfortunately that was at a great disservice to him.
The problem with the school that he attended last year is that they have the highest drop out rate in the city. The Freshman class starts with close to 400 kids and by the time the get to their Senior year around half are left and even less than that actually graduates. Teachers in failing schools try the best they can but it seems that they feel like there is not much they can do to help the situation so they do nothing. Mr. B had a Algebra Tutorial class last year and all they did in that class was surf the web, however as not to draw suspicion no one received an A for a grade even though no work or tests were ever done or assigned. When I brought this issue up with the Assistant Principal she said she would look into it, but nothing ever changed. Mr. B left that class with a B and even though the class was supposed to be for kids that struggled with math, he left no better than he began.
Even in well performing schools there are not so good teachers, but generally if your Principal, President or Dean have high expectations it trickles down to the teachers and staff. My ex-husband is on staff at one of the city's premier private schools. He became friends with the man that is in charge of the janitorial staff, even he was proud of his school and the part he played. Frankly if the man that cleans the toilet is glad to be there, then there is an atmosphere of pride and accomplishment that trickles down to the kids and when that kind of atmosphere exists kids excel.
When you think of people that are institutionalized you think of people in prison. I wouldn't doubt that most kids think they are in prison when they are at school. That's why I was so excited to hear that Mr. B's history teacher didn't teach out of the book, because we all know that he is right. History books are written to give us the picture of history that the government wants us to know, not actually what happened. In fact on B's first day in his class the teacher made them take the Naturalization Exam, which if you know anyone who has taken it is very in depth and most American's that take the test fail because they only know what is in the books they had in High School.
Books leave out major pieces of information because they want you to think a certain way. I didn't know until I was an adult that Thomas Jefferson who wrote in the Declaration of Independence, "that all men are created equal" didn't mean black people, in fact he and most of the signers of the document were slave owners. In Mr. B's history class they were talking about Pocahontas and how she was actually very young, like middle school age when the dashing 40something John Smith marries her. Sorry Mr. Disney, you didn't include that fact in your movie.
Unfortunately we've been stuck in this idea that institutionalized learning is the right way to do things and I think that with the rapid increase of ADHD diagnosis, we need to realize that there is a better way.
Really if I had my way I would have all of my kids at home with me and I would be teaching them. It worked for the Founding Fathers, I don't see why it couldn't work now.
Why is my Spanish book in Spanish?
My oldest son, we'll call him Mr. B, left the city school system and transfered to a private school this year. He's spent pretty much his entire school career in either SCS or MCS schools and we have been greatly disappointed by both systems. So even though I am a single mom I enrolled him in private school to give him a chance at college because last year, his sophomore year they were teaching the 8 parts of speech, something those kids should have learned when they were in elementary school. Something Mr. B already knew, because he did learn it in elementary school.
Anyway, Mr. B is a brilliant kid, but like most struggles with living up to his potential and obviously if his English class is learning about parts of speech and he reads on a college level, he is never going to reach his potential because there is no need to excel when you think you already know every thing.
So the past 7 days have been a wake up call for him. He was surprised that very first day of school he had homework. He's also struggled with using technology to do said homework. He's got one teacher that told him to return his book because "History books only tell lies." and his Spanish book is all in Spanish.
Mr. B's always had trouble with organization and last night I opened his Science folder only to find Math and English work in it. When I asked him why, he said because those classes are before Science. Still not following his thinking I asked some more questions and finally asked him if he thought that putting the Math and English papers in their corresponding folders made more sense. He said, "Gee mom you're messing with my organization." I said, "Organization? Don't you mean lack there of?" After a good roll of Mr. B's eyes, I pulled the other subjects out of the folder and had him put the other papers in the correct place.
Yesterday I found a paper that he was adamant that I sign immediately so that he could return it to his teacher the next day. That was a week ago Thursday and when I asked him why it was still at home, he says to me "The teacher never asked for it." My reply was, "Well that still doesn't explain why it never left the house."
He's also managed to lose his Math book and two note taking spirals already. Luckily the teacher found them but for two days he was taking notes on loose leaf paper and yes that's how they ended up in his Science folder. I did give him props for at least keeping up with the paper, but now that the spirals have been found organization should now commence.
Over all he's done pretty well and has risen to the challenge. He has great teachers and a great staff that have jumped in and helped him better acclimate to the school. No more elementary school work at this high school.
Anyway, Mr. B is a brilliant kid, but like most struggles with living up to his potential and obviously if his English class is learning about parts of speech and he reads on a college level, he is never going to reach his potential because there is no need to excel when you think you already know every thing.
So the past 7 days have been a wake up call for him. He was surprised that very first day of school he had homework. He's also struggled with using technology to do said homework. He's got one teacher that told him to return his book because "History books only tell lies." and his Spanish book is all in Spanish.
Mr. B's always had trouble with organization and last night I opened his Science folder only to find Math and English work in it. When I asked him why, he said because those classes are before Science. Still not following his thinking I asked some more questions and finally asked him if he thought that putting the Math and English papers in their corresponding folders made more sense. He said, "Gee mom you're messing with my organization." I said, "Organization? Don't you mean lack there of?" After a good roll of Mr. B's eyes, I pulled the other subjects out of the folder and had him put the other papers in the correct place.
Yesterday I found a paper that he was adamant that I sign immediately so that he could return it to his teacher the next day. That was a week ago Thursday and when I asked him why it was still at home, he says to me "The teacher never asked for it." My reply was, "Well that still doesn't explain why it never left the house."
He's also managed to lose his Math book and two note taking spirals already. Luckily the teacher found them but for two days he was taking notes on loose leaf paper and yes that's how they ended up in his Science folder. I did give him props for at least keeping up with the paper, but now that the spirals have been found organization should now commence.
Over all he's done pretty well and has risen to the challenge. He has great teachers and a great staff that have jumped in and helped him better acclimate to the school. No more elementary school work at this high school.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)